It’s been a cold dog kind of month. I mean that in part literally as Max has faced two waves of snow and icy chaos in a place that really doesn’t know how to handle itself in snow or ice.
But I also mean that it is a cold dog kind of month as in whatever is the opposite of an excited “hot dog!” exclamation. Sure there have been moments of hope and joy in our complex and ever evolving lives, but there have also been deadly temperatures and weather systems, threats of war and then the culmination of those threats in Ukraine, state persecution of trans kids and their families here in Texas. So much to lament, so much that threatens to ice over our hearts.
Max has been with me in this cold dog kind of month. And as always, Max teaches me how to manage such wild shifts in the mood of life, not ignoring them or running from them, but weathering them and helping others weather them too.
First, Max has taught me to take things a few steps at a time and tend to each pain or worry as it emerges. I learned this from him when we tried to go on a walk during the coldest and snowiest day this past month. He was so excited to get out and walk around the snowy neighborhood, but as he did, the snow accumulated in his paws. Since he does not have any humiliating dog boots, we had to take things a little slower than normal and pick out the uncomfortable clods of snow throughout the walk.
So often, bad news seems to come in intense waves over short periods of time and is overwhelming. It can cause me to want to stop and curl up or try my best to ignore it all as I trudge through. But Max has taught me how to move ahead without being reckless or causing more harm. He reminds me to take it one step at a time, deal with each trouble as it emerges, and know that I may have to revisit things until it all melts away.
Max has also taught me that it is crucial to work hard against the symbolically cold things rather than merely waiting for them to pass. And he has taught me that such work is both individual and communal. Max helps me by creating a space of warmth when I stick my toes under him and he graciously shares his body heat. Then, Max graciously accepts the warmth of a doggy sweater.
While the sweater was perhaps more for looks than for necessity (he’s a very furry guy), it was a nice reminder of the importance of surrounding oneself with people who care for one another even when things get cold. By donning a sweater with the rest of the family, Max showed solidarity, something I am afraid we will all need to tap into a lot more to help protect the transgender kids in our communities. And sure, we don’t have to all dress exactly the same, but solidarity is good however it is manifested.
Finally, Max taught me that for some beings at some times, it is ok to be a cold dog and directly face the pains and threats of the world. On one hand, not everything has to be hunky dory all the time, because it never is in this broken world. Negative feelings and emotions are a part of the full spectrum of life and we don’t need to run from them. But he has also taught me that there are ways to be a cold dog that are healthy and sustainable. Different people have different thresholds on how much of that they can take.
Max could stand the cold so much better than our young children. Someone who is not being directly targeted by bigoted laws or corrupt regimes has much more capacity to weather harsh realities, and those with resources can give more time and money to make sure all have some shelter. I know that nobody should stay out in the symbolic cold all the time, and Max has reminded me to be honest about my limits and aware of others’. Being a good advocate or ally means navigating that space well.
I wish the cold dog days never came, but here we are. And I am at least grateful for a whole host of companions who are facing them together and using that solidarity to change the climate.
So thank you Max for weathering these cold dog days with me and for teaching me more valuable and sustainable ways to live in solidarity with those who are facing the coldest of dog days this season.
Lessons From Max 