Max’s All You Need To Know Guide For Working From Home

As many enter a season of changed routines, including working from home, I have seen several tips for how best to use this time and make the transition to an effective home office environment. I too am making this transition, so I decided to ask the expert in my life, Max, what tips he would give for those preparing to work from home. Here is what he offered:

1. Keep your eye on the prize – no more copy machine jams! That in itself is worth enduring all the unnecessary video conference calls.

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2. Take a nap. Not a wimpy little cat-nap either, but a good ol’ dog nap.

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3. Find a hiding place so your family or roommates can’t bother you.

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4. But also know where your family or roommates’ hiding places are so that you can bother them.

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5. Dressing for the job you want now only applies for what people can see in the webcam. So strap on that tie and then anything goes down below.

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6. Keep your days fresh by changing up your routine, for instance, with a nice mid-day nap.

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7. It’s ok to make faces at your computer – it’s probably making faces at you in its own way, plus no one will see you now.

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8. Stock up on treats. I…ahem…you will need them.

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9. Netflix is out to get you. Beware and don’t get distracted.

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10. You have complete control of the “office” temperature now! No more sweaters just because Fido runs soooo hot. For that matter, no more pants either (see #5).

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On a serious note, Max and I hope all stay well and safe and help others stay well and safe!

P.S. Did I say this is the perfect opportunity to take more naps?

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P. P. S. Who needs toilet paper?

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A Visit From St. Maximus

‘Twas three days after Christmas, when all through the house
Not a surface was open, not even the couch;
The stockings were hung over end table limply,
And poor old St. Maximus just couldn’t even. Simply.

The baby had made a disastrous mess;
While parent sat back in utter distress.
And mamma with the snot rag, and I with some milk,
Wait, where did I get milk? How old is this milk?

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Then, outside the lawn seemed a glorious haven,
Now barred from his bed, Max’s fate was engraven.
He’d go to the window if only he could,
And dream of sweet freedom he certainly would!

But stuff blocked his way from the new-fallen toys,
Plus some older stuff thought to be forgotten joys.
When what to his wondering eyes did appear,
But a path straight through chaos was suddenly clear…

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It was risky, no missteps, just time to make tracks.
He knew in that moment, “This is it, St. Max.”
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he humphed, and trotted (after all, he was tame).

Then, dashing! Now, dancing! And prancing like a vixen!
Zooming comet! Winged cupid! Like donning wings and blitzing!
To the door to the porch! These are highest of stakes!
Now dash away! dash away! For goodness sakes!

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the backdoor the old dog he flew
With a tail full of bows, poor St. Maximus strewed—

And then, in a twinkling, he turned his swift head.
His prancing and pawing he quickly stopped dead.
As he drew in a sniff, already turning around,
Back to the hall St. Maximus came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
But his nose knew that something was newly afoot;
He sniffed a deep sniff and honed in on the source,
And he looked for that donut, forsaken, of course!

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His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were still furry, his nose like a berry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;

For the journey back in, he gritted his teeth,
But the smell, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He steeled his broad face and ever hungry belly,
And shot straight in the mess, searching out that sweet jelly.

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He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old mutt,
And we laughed when we saw him fall right on his butt;
He tripped on a toy and went stumbling on down,
But got up with a shake, and not even a frown.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And sniffed out the donut; then turned with a jerk,
And trusting his trusty and faithful old nose,
He looked straight at me…as my mouth slowly closed.

The donut now gone, he let out a small whimper,
And I in my cunning, let slip a knowing simper.
And I pulled from behind a sweet bone new and bright-
“Happy Christmas to Max, it will all be alright!”

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Happy Howloween 2019

Max was acting a little furtive this year, and after watching more closely I found this rather…maxabre…scene.

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Just kidding, he’s as sweet as a maxaroon!

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But perhaps some frustration has come from his extra hours spent as your local, cheery maxintosh rep.

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Me: So, you want to try to do macrame for your costume?

Max: I am maxrame!

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Welcome to the class sure to scare all freshmen and chill them to the bone, maxroeconomics.

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Check out this max daddy!

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But don’t be fooled, at heart he is just a big ol’ maxadamia nut.

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Did someone order up some big max?

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Me: Did you say you want to give out macaroni and cheese to trick-or-treaters this year?

Max: I am maxaroni and cheese

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Max really wanted to be his favorite superhero, Antman, but after I told him the costume wouldn’t fit right, he settled for acting maxroscopic.

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In any guise, he is certainly immaxulate.

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Happy Howloween from the maxiest Max there is.

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If you liked this, you may also enjoy Howloweens 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018!

Space Cadet

Max is a space cadet. Of course he is often clueless about what is going on and will bumble into things, but I actually mean that I think he is preparing to be an astro-mutt. Maybe it is the 50th anniversary of the moon landing, or maybe he is just expanding his horizons, either way I have noticed these unique behaviors emerging recently…

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He’s gotten less 10tative when looking down from the heights. I believe Max is ready to take any giant leaps for dog-kind.

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This K-9 may be weird about getting in the water, but he certainly dives right into his weightless training.

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In his new diet the past few months, Max only 8 his own bowls of food, plus all the crumbs the baby dropped, and whatever he could find outside. I think he is making sure can stomach anything.

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Max puts in a solid 7 minutes a day studying, sometimes even reading the most cutting edge scientific research. He knows reaching the stars will take a mind as toned as his body.

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He has been waking (all of us) up in the 6 o’clock hour. I’m not sure if it is his training regimen or that he knows he can nap all day. Either way it is far too intense for those of us who are not morning people.

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By every evaluation, this is a 5-star dog.

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Max insists that sleeping with all 4 paws in the air will help him quickly acclimate to a bed with no gravity.

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This dog has been pulling up to 3 Gs in his own homemade gravity training, tail chasing program. Though he usually falls down afterward.

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Max is simply 2 cool for this world.

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For over 1 year, Max has been studying other strange creatures and is now prepared to meet any weird extra-terrestrial life.

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There are 0 reasons to keep Max from blasting off in pursuit of his dreams.

Keep reaching for the stars, Max!

Comfort

Max is a sneaky little blanket thief. Throughout this past winter, I documented every case I could of his diabolical plans to horde all the blankets in the house. Then, I looked back over the past 5 years to see just how bad it has always been. Here is what I found.

It started way back, when I was much nicer and let Max on the couch, when I didn’t realize just how much he was taking advantage of that bougie life.

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“If comfort is an art, call me Claws Maxet. For I will certainly leave my impression in this landscape.”

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“A little privacy please. Jeez dad.”

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“Heads…

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…Or tails. Either way you toss it is a win for me.”

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“Don’t hate. If it works, it works. And this right here works.”

Then, I realized his behavior was bleeding over to sleepovers with his friends, and with blankets that were probably not his.

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“Hey, I let him have the bones so I could have the blanket! Ok, now I want the bones too.”

Then, we got a new resident at our house, who also was partial to blankets. That shook things up, but not for too long.

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“What’s this baby doing on this blanket!?”

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“Ok, ok, I will share…for now…”

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“Ha ha ha. Victory is mine. I am still king of blankets!”

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“And now I extend my reign. You leave dirty clothes and towels on the floor? They are now my blankets.”

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“This pillow will make a fine addition to my blanket collection.”

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“I know…It’s not a blanket, but I claim it. It is flat and soft and close enough.”

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“Leg is the new blanket.”

What can I say? This dog likes blankets. And that doesn’t even count the one I specifically laid out for him in our bedroom that he now uses almost every night, or many others of which I did not get a picture.

Thank you Max for enjoying the comforts of life and for reminding me of the value of a good, trusty blanket.

Happy Howloween 2018!

Hair we are again – another year, another furstive Howloween for Maximus.

This pup-kin head really “gets into” the spirit of the season.

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So this year, I tried asking Max what he wanted to be for Howloween, but the doggone cat got his tongue.

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Then I found out that this Golden Retreader loves sticking his nose in a good book, as long as it’s an exciting tail.

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But he couldn’t trick me for long. I know why some bunny really loves howloween – there’s even more treats to wolf down! And Max doesn’t miss any oppawtunity to lick up whatever’s in the kitchen.

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When he gets caught, he just claims he was framed. Can you blame him, though? His face does look like a fine piece of barkwork.

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This year, he wanted to change things up a little. So he started by channeling his furocious side, but he’s a bit too sweet to be Tyrannosaurus Max.

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Then he wanted to be a bowWOWarina performing as the sugar pup fairy, but he didn’t have the correct pawsture.

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He even considered trying to dress up like me, that impawster!

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And finally, I realized he had been working on a costume for a long time. It’s a little ruff, but by not bathing the past several months and rolling in the dirt as much as pawsible, he has become: the stink bug.

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Nevertheless, thank you Max for another golden Howloween!

And if this is your furst encounter with Max’s costumed shenanigans, please check out year 1year 2year 3, and year 4 also!

Happy Howloween 2017!

Max never misses an oppawtunity to bring you some hair-raising howloween fun. For the fourth year in a row, Max is costumed up to the k-nines and you are furtunate enough to get a glimpse!

Livin’ that pupster life, man.

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Max is the ultimutt champion!

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But he may have played a little too ruff. Would someone please call the dogtor?

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Well hello there Mr. Hairy Trueman.

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Max insists on the golden standard of video gaming.

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And when he doesn’t get his way, beware…Mad Max: Furry Road

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Tune in Fridays on the Fido Network to learn how to make the perfect puppy chow with Barka Stewart.

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Layin’ down some jazzy beats with Max Pooch.

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This muttchanic is no tool. He’ll get even the ruffest jobs done.

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I hope you don’t have trouble retrieving your lines. I’ve head this director is impawsible to work with.

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No more tricks for this guy, just some much deserved treats!

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Thank you, Max, for giving us all a happy howloween!

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There’s plenty more where this came from. Check out year 1, year 2, and year 3 of costumed madness!

Smile

Either Max is a naturally happy dog, or he has an uncanny ability to smile for the camera. I find his goofy smiles pretty infectious, and I hope you do to.

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Of course, Max has the golden standard of smiles.

 

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He’s no rock-weiler, but he charms all the fans with that (s)waggin’ smile.

 

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Sweet dreams are made of…cheese!

 

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But sometimes, his smiles are pawsitively creepy…

 

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Clap along if you feel like a room without a ruff ruff!

 

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Sometimes, his smile is a little too fur-rocious,

 

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But he’s never hesitant to turn that frown upside down.

 

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…mutt as well have a good time!

 

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Must. Max-imize. Smiles.

 

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And at the end of the day, he’s always looking quite fetching.

Thank you Max for your smiles – they brighten my day. I hope you keep smiling and bringing more and more joy to this world, at least until the day we can all smile as authentically as you.

P.S. This also pairs nicely with Jay-Z’s “Smile”, for those who have Tidal or other access to it.

Max’s All You Need To Know Guide To Prepping That Beach Bod

Spring is here, and that means it’s time for Max’s all you need to know guide for preparing to rock that beach bod. I know a quarter of the country was snowed in last week, but we live in Texas and its already 90 degrees here. So, shed that winter garb and follow these simple steps to start looking as hott as Max.

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First, let’s all stretch those mutt-scles back out after a long winters nap.

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You may want to take up hairy yoga too. It’s like hot yoga only you get an extra layer of hair all over anytime you hit the mat. Plus, I hear downward dog provides a refreshing face lick.

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Once you’re good and limber it’s time to PUP IT UP!

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Summer is coming.

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You may be tired, but this is no time to paws. Remember: Do or do not, there is no try.

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Also, ball is life.

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Don’t overdo it, though. Dog tired is a thing. And it is fur real. It’s a fur real thing.

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And get plenty of Vitamin D (it stands for dog).

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By this point, you’ve probably worked up quite a pant. It may be time to really wash behind those ears.

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Finally, it’s all about the golden vibe and accessories. They make looking good look good.

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But all in all, while Max is for healthy living, he has definitely taught me that first and foremost you should know you are inherently beautiful.

Thank you Max, for your foolproof guide to the perfect beach bod. But thank you most for reminding me that any bod is a beach bod – it just has to be on the beach. And even if a body is not on the beach, it is still beautiful.

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Howloween 2016

Well, Max is at it again – another year of pawsitively furocious costumes that will surely make your Howloween a little more golden.

This pupkin head dove right into the holiday spirit with his rendition of a Max-o-lantern.

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Isn’t this Golden Girl BEAutiful?

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A globe trotter mapping out his next tail-wagging adventure.

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Did anyone call for a fetching young gentledog?

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Meet the newest Puplo Picasso! Or is it Vincent Van Growl? Or Salivador Dogi? Or Fido Khalo? Or Edgar Dogas?

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To pup a butterfly

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Real dogs wear pink. (And Max was clearly on board with all these costumes…)

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“Bowties are cool.” –The Dogtor

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This rocktriever’s cover of “Muttster Mash” is sure to drive his record sales to gold!

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Max hopes your howloween is as inspawrational as his!

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(Like what you see? Max has been at this for three years now! Check out his catalog of costumes from 2015 and 2014.)