Roommate Problems

Max and I have been roommates for a little over two years now, and overall it is wonderful. He’s been there when I’m lonely or when I need to run ideas by someone and he’s shared in my many exciting moments.

But, as with any roommate, there have been some problems…

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He uses the bathroom for hours on end with no explanation.

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But he doesn’t have great hygiene practices.

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He eats up all the food and never goes to the store when we run out.

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And then he stays in the kitchen for hours on end with no explanation (and without cooking anything).

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He has this weird thing about feng shui and thinks he’s some kind of avant garde decorator.

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But he doesn’t clean up his toys.

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And he doesn’t clean up after his “experiments.”

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He borrows my shoes without asking.

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He’s very particular about visitors.

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And he’s always taking all the blankets.

But I’m sure I do many things that are confusing or irritate him too. And at the end of the day, I will gladly put up with his weird quirks to be his roommate, if he will do the same for me.

So, thank you Max for being my roommate. And thank you for proving to me that we probably do need some sort of chore chart…

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If you give a dog some food…

If you give a dog some food,
he’s going to ask for more food.

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When you don’t give him the food
he’ll probably search for it himself.

When he can’t find any, he’ll look at you like you’re the worst.

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Then he’ll want to go outside
to see if he can find any
free, discarded food.

When he gets outside
he might notice lots of tasty smells.

So he’ll probably look high and low
for anything that is edible.

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When he’s finished looking for anything to eat…
Wait, he’ll never finish that search.

He’ll keep searching.

He might get carried away and
lose his head trying to find food.

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He may even end up eating some grass!

When he’s done,
he’ll probably want to take a nap.

You won’t have to do anything for him,
the world is his bed.

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He’ll walk around,
crash wherever he can,
and be asleep in no time.

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He’ll probably ask you to rub his belly.

So you’ll rub his belly for a little while,
and he’ll ask you to scratch behind his ears.

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When he sees you’re close to him
he’ll get so excited that he’ll want to get up
and play. He’ll ask for a toy.

He’ll play tug.

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When the game is finished,
he’ll want to run around.

Then he’ll want to go outside
and walk around some more.

Which means he’ll need his leash.

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He’ll go outside and remember
all the yummy smells.

Smelling all the yummy smells
will remind him that he’s hungry.

So, he’ll ask to go back inside.

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And chances are, if he asks to go back inside,
he’s going to want a bowl of food when he gets there.